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20th May 2015 I was going to make a huge batch of Round The Horne-style stuff to upload "for" each day I'll be on holiday, and pad a few extra days out with recycled crap - but it was going to take way too long, and I didn't have enough ideas. So, instead, I'll pad out the ENTIRE holiday with recycled crap - a strip I made in 1998! (Making it, I do beleive, the oldest thing on my site - which I have created, anyway. So then, Teddy Bear Wars. In a way, it resembles the original version of The Gun, except the main character is a cop-turned-secret agent, and there's futuristic technology like hover cars and laser guns. Oh, and they're all teddy bears, of course. Their planet, an apparent "utopia" (though there is an extensive slum full of scarred, heavily-armed criminals), is governed from Teddy Bear Towers, a huge building at the heart of Teddy Bear City. But the planet is under threat from "The Clones" (in earlier games my brother and me played, they were "Droids", instead). The Clones look and act like Teddy Bears, but have red blood instead of "fluff". They apparently come from another planet, but have infiltrated the Teddy Bear world, and want to take it over using a huge spaceship called a Megastroid (basically a big, flat asteroid with engines and guns added). You'd think the Clones currently on the Teddy Bear planet would keep a low profile, gather intelligence, and commit sabotage. But actually they regularly get involved in shootouts, car chases and even go on the rampage in gigantic mechs. Also, despite this (very 90's, mind you) futuristic world presumably having smartphones and the internet, the population at large remain ignorant of these red-blooded aliens living amongst them, even though many get very publically shot and blown up. Many stories were "acted out" by my brother and me, and elements of all of those were supposed to make it into the strip eventually - but, naturally, it was never finished! The very earliest Teddy Bear Wars stories were about the police against the "squatters" (we'd just seen Robocop 3, but didn't understand it). Then the Droids came, and finally the Clones. At least 3 Megastroid attacks later, the Clones resurrected the "Teddy Bear version of Hitler" (called Curlyfur), who had a huge spaceship in which he captured Teddy Bears and turned them into food (Abe's Oddysee had just come out). He also had an army of guards made of living ice, who slid around like Daleks and froze people with ice beams. Curlyfur was defeated at least twice (the battles against him were actually holidays we went on, in static caravans, which represented his spaceship). Later on, the Clones developed "upgrades", which gave them superpowers. The Teddy Bears responded with bionic suits which gave them incredible speed and strength (based on The Matrix, and the 80's anime The Guyver. Also, some of the teddy bears already had powers like super speed, super strength, or shrinking, anyway). Also, every year, around November 5th, the Teddy Bear planet was bombarded with asteroids, so they had to launch a ton of missiles and lasers to blow them apart before they hit the ground (many still did, though, so there was an extensive series of deep bunkers). The first of these asteroid showers was caused by some other supervillain (who had another giant-asteroid-with-engines-added). There was also a time travel story in there somewhere, where they went into the past, which resembled the Super Mario Brothers film. BUT, fortunately for your sanity, the comic only got up to the start of the first Megastroid attack. So sit back and "enjoy". I've had to tweak the artwork on some of the pages (they were never made for scanning!). This mainly involved re-"writing" the dialogue. In almost all cases, I kept it exactly the same - spelling and grammar errors intact!) |
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